I have been in the scenarios where I have been praised for inane reasons (atleast from my perspective). How should we react for those praising words even if we know that they are not true. Even if you deny/ keep silent, the same situation continues till you speak up (either accept or shout at them). If you shout, relationship (need not be friendship but some official relationship) will get spoiled. if you accept, it will not get stopped permanently but temporarily a pause may be there. So, accepting those inane comments is not the permanent solution.

I expect them to praise my efforts if they are true to the core. After being in above scenario many times, I am unable to take if they praise me for genuine reasons or I lost the capability for finding the genuine reason for which I need to praised.

I hope you understand the scenario if my words have not explained them clearly

Awaiting for your comments!!!

About your article –

No doubt that this is a true thought provoking article in a positive sense. I had the above questions in my mind for a long time but have never written down. But your article made me to put my thoughts into words. Atleast now I can get answers for my questions:)…

if you wish that you can answer my questions over mail, please do share your email address with me. I have similar questions on different topics on the same lines.

I honestly hope that your article and suggestions will help to get my thoughts structured and handle different scenarios effectively

I went through the questions posted by many people and on reading that, I thought of highlighting a scenario to get clear picture on this.

There are few times I felt that I need to be little open in order to get closer to any one. My experience is that initially any friendship or relationship starts very well and I can see very clearly that the other individual likes the way I talk but as the time goes on after few weeks, I have a feeling that I am being used as a point for humour and unnecessary comments from the side of other individual. I get a feeling that his respect on me has got reduced drastically. This has happened many times with whom I know well. I tried to explore the root cause for this by reading many personality development articles but still I am in the middle of dark searching for right reason. Possible reasons I figured out are being pessimistic (from my perspective “Being more practical”), revealing more abt me, my likes and dislikes etc…

Can you shed some light on this scenario and help me to handle the same?

Reason being, if i am going to lead a team and if I make such impression on people working under me, it is not going to fetch me good results. This is just a scenario I highlighted. Not sure if it is an issue with me or people with whom I am moving…

Few more questions –

– Do we really need to be open, humorous, cracking comments to get closer to any one (or) precise and absolute answers for any questions in a very formal way will help me to get closer?
– if I am being very formal, that relation ship will end after office hours and I can never get into those people’s friend’s circle at the same time maintaining at most level of respect – is this not true ?
– What should be one’s approach to be very close to some one irrespective of sex at the same time maintaining perfect level of respect from that individual ?

Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to leave a comment!

I actually have another friend who is in this same predicament, and I’ve been in the same predicament as you have been in before. In my experience, there’s a very slim chance you can turn this around in the middle of the relationship. It may be possible, but it would take an overwhelming amount of effort on your part, and she may not even be willing to make the changes necessary to make it work.

If you guys feel like you love each other enough to give it a shot, then I recommend you both check out the program “Deep Inner Game” by David DeAngelo. It is an amazing program that will help both of you learn how to set strong boundaries, how to develop that sense of self-respect, and how to command it from your partner and other people in your life.

I understand it’s hard after 4+ years of being together, but understand that this is something that is quite insidious to relationships. Over time the problem will only get worse, and in the end you both may forget all of the good times you’ve shared in the relationship because of the constant fighting that comes with the perpetual crossing of “boundaries”.

I wish you the best of luck, and if you have any more questions shoot me a direct e-mail via the contact form in the “Contact” section of this site.

I learned this approach from Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, and I recommend you get a copy of the book. It’s awesome at detailing how to handle situations just like these, and if you can master all of the principles Carnegie discusses in the book, you’ll truly be a master of social interaction. Check it out. You can find a link to the book in my Library section.

I have some what if questions… I always have many questions like this

What if one cannot justify or convince the opponent on his thoughts? or what if opponent has some lame reasons or alternative that makes you to stop pursuing your approach and goes by other way. There are some cases which I have seen that the opponent accepts our thoughts when it is explained when he is alone but the same individual denies them in a common meeting.

Too many questions/ raising flag against higher level people in official life will never help any one to get a good impression on them. And any valid questions that gets denied and forces people to work in way against their thoughts will reduce the confidence level of that individual.

Your Suggestions ???

@ Arg – I believe the solution to your scenario is that you voice your suggestion in a firmer way. The way you’ve described it makes it sound like you kind of slipped the suggestion in there, but didn’t really make it known that it was very important to you. Pull the person (or people) aside that you want to talk to about this, and then let them know how important your concern is to you.

You throw a suggestion in a common discussion at your office and no one has accepted it even though you find it to be correct. This has happened quite a number of times…. This scenario is purely against your standards and letting you down some times… You really like to walk away from such places and discussions but you cannot do as you need to stick on to that job/ relationship…

Help me to understand how you handle this scenario