The Truth about Attraction - Part I: The Basics
Jun 26th, 2007 by Rahul Bhambhani
You know, it’s funny. Whenever I go out, no matter where I go, I see the most peculiar thing. I see men buying women drinks. I see men buying women expensive jewelry and gifts. I see men leaning in towards women and forcing laughs at horrendous jokes. I see men doing everything they don’t want to do in order to get a girl to like them.
The only question that comes to mind is WHY? Why do we men do these things? Do we honestly believe the girl in question will, at the bottom of her heart, be attracted to us for performing these tedious acts against our will? I mean, you can’t honestly want to spend all of your money on a girl who’s going to move on to the next guy once you’re unable to buy yourselves a good time (happened to you before?) Or maybe you’re just a nice guy… or better yet, you’ve convinced yourself you’re a nice guy.
Too nice
Ay, there’s the rub. Too many guys try to be overly “nice” to women, and in the process sacrifice everything they stand for while also emptying out their wallets. Women are smart, and they have learned to take advantage of man’s naivety. Most women will accept your gifts, drinks, and attention with a smile, and will still be smiling when they leave you for the next guy.
Don’t get me wrong ladies, I’m not mad at you for taking advantage of men, in fact, I don’t blame you at all. If I was an attractive woman, I’d be doing the same thing on a daily basis. My lunches would be paid for, I would never have to drive anywhere; heck, I wouldn’t even have to walk anywhere.
If not women, then who’s to blame? I blame men and society. I’m blaming men for being so naïve to think that money can buy a girl’s attraction and affection. You’re not buying her attraction; instead she’s getting what SHE expects, a good time and a lot of attention. I’m blaming society for programming boys how to be good husbands from a young age; not how to be dominant, attractive males.
Right now, I want you all to look into your past and think of how much time and money you have wasted on girls who didn’t stick around. Think about the pain you went through when she left. It’s just not worth it. Well then Rahul, how do I stop this from happening again, you may ask? Step 1; stop wasting your time and money. Step 2; stop being too nice. Step 3; learn how to spark a gut-level attraction in women instantly.
The importance of attraction
Ah, attraction; one of the two essential components in gaining a woman’s affection (connection is the second). Without it, you and she are just friends. Without it, she will leave you for the more exciting, sexier bad boy with the motorcycle.
I’m not talking about physical attraction here. A lot of men believe only good looking guys get all the girls. WRONG! Ever seen an extremely ugly guy holding hands with an extremely beautiful girl? Point made. Fortunately, attraction in women is mostly cognitive and slightly visual (the reverse applies to men). This means gut-level attraction is sparked by a number of things other than physical appearance (so we ugly guys have a fighting chance, after all!)
I’m talking about the kind of attraction that “sweeps” a girl off her feet. Attraction that causes a throbbing desire within a woman; similar to the desire men feel when we see an extremely attractive woman. Close your eyes and imagine the most beautiful woman in your world begging you to come to bed. Yeah, that’s the kind of attraction I’m talking about!
Attraction can accomplish all of this and more if triggered properly. “Sign me up now, teach me,” you say. Okay, you’re signed up. First, let’s break men up into three different archetypes. Figure out where you fit in.
The “Nice Guy”
Unfortunately for the “nice guy”, nice guys almost always come last (except for in those cheesy movies). When I say nice guy, I mean the kind of guy that you can walk all over; the kind of guy who has no regard for his own personal boundary (see ‘Gain Respect in Relationships’).
Nice guys do not attract women. Rather, they make a lot of lady friends. These are the guys that advise their lady friends on their relationship with their jerk boyfriend. Nice guys think this is the right thing to do. All the while they think to themselves, “Can’t she see I’m right here in front of her? I’m all she needs!) Finally out of righteous indignation, and impatience with the situation, the nice guy professes his eternal love to his lady friend, and she does the exact opposite of what he imagined her doing in his dreams. She runs away as far and as fast as she can. The nice guy is left hurt, angry, and thinking, “Stupid women! They never appreciate what I do for them!”
If these last few sentences describe you, have no fear! We will discuss better alternatives, and in following articles we will arm you with knowledge to mold yourself into the man you were born to be.
Jerks
So, if being a nice guy is out of the question, then what’s in the question? If the first thing that comes to mind is “jerk”, you’re wrong. Jerks may get more women than nice guys, but when it comes down to it, they’re still missing out on 99% of the beautiful, strong, women in this world.
The wild, care-free, adventurous nature of jerks (bad boys, if you will) is attractive to women. The kind of man every mother fears her daughter will end up with, the bad boy degrades and abuses the women he has relationships with. He comes and goes when he pleases, and has no regard or respect for the girls he is with. He’s always living life on the edge. And this is exactly why he is attractive.
Think about it. If a woman settles for a nice guy, she won’t feel any attraction for him. The nice guy will cater to her every need, and in turn will be boring and unoriginal like the other 98% of men on this planet. So, the girl can either choose the boring, unattractive nice guy; or she can choose the exciting, wildly attractive bad boy. This is the reason why so many women are unfaithful in relationships. They settle down with a “nice guy” who can provide for them, while having sex with the “bad boy” they are attracted to. This way, they have both a lover (bad boy), and a provider (nice guy).
While we shouldn’t settle into jerk mode just yet, there are certainly many things we can learn from the jerk. Women are attracted to a man in CONTROL. Women are attracted to a man who does things on his terms. A man who doesn’t constantly shower them with compliments. An exciting man who lives on the EDGE. It’s different… it’s sexy… it’s ATTRACTIVE.
Sadly, most women will settle down with a nice guy, a jerk, or with someone somewhere in between. Most women will never be fortunate enough to run into a GENTLEMAN. And this is precisely where you come in!
Gentlemen
Finally, the gentleman! The highest form of man a male can be. By far the most attractive of the three male archetypes. Bad boys don’t stand a chance against this well-groomed, chivalrous, purposeful, dominant, and powerful man. Think James Bond. Think Thomas Crown. Now, add some depth to those characters, and voila! You have your gentleman.
The gentleman shares many traits with the bad boy. The difference is he has developed these traits to a much higher level. He has a tremendous amount of security and confidence; he is comfortable in his own skin. He has extremely high standards, especially when it comes to women. He always maintains his composure; he is never rattled by the tests women throw at him. He does things on his terms; no woman, or person for that matter, can manipulate him into doing otherwise. All the while, he is chivalrous and knows what he wants isn’t necessarily what his woman wants. He opens the door for women. He walks on the outside of the curb. He pulls out her chair at the dinner table. This is the kind of man women believe exists only in their romance novels. When a girl meets one, he is probably one of the very few she has ever met in her entire life.
Beginning to see why the gentleman is so attractive?
Action to take
So, you want to be a gentleman, huh? Let me be the first to tell you, it won’t happen overnight. It will take hard work, time, and discipline (hear this often, don’t you?). You may have to step outside of your comfort zone to reach this level. Don’t sweat it! You’ll make it, and the rewards will be well worth your time invested.
To start with, make a pact with yourself that you will stop doing the following things FOR GOOD as of right now:
- Giving women undeserved compliments to get their approval (it actually works against you, and you sound like every other guy on the planet)
- Buying women drinks, gifts, ANYTHING, to get their approval (she’s using you, remember?)
- Tolerating second class behavior from women just because they are physically attractive (would you let your buddy treat you like this? If the answer is no, then why are you letting HER treat you like this?)
- Giving up what you want so you can do what she wants (if you want to go to the game with your buddies, why are you going to ditch them to go to a party she is at?)
- Placing excessive value on looks (don’t get me wrong, the girl has to be attractive, but once she opens her mouth there better be something between those ears)
- Thinking this girl is the last one on the planet (you’re WRONG, there’s 3 BILLION other women on this planet)
- Thinking “she’s special” (not until she proves it, buddy)
Stop doing the above and you will develop a solid foundation for the gentleman you strive to become. Continuously raise your standards. Build new skills to become a more interesting person. Strengthen your personal boundary. More clearly define your identity each day. Evict your fears by confronting them head on with courage. Define a life purpose; what do you live for? Taking these actions will develop you into a noticeably more attractive individual.
Remember, a gentleman is not necessarily a gentle man. Instead, he is a strong, well developed, intriguing man who naturally attracts the opposite sex through his well developed character and charisma.
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