Form Strong Relationships by Having More to Offer
Oct 10th, 2007 by Rahul Bhambhani
Before you begin reading this post, I want you to ask yourself a question.
What do you have to offer?
What do you have to offer to each new person you meet?
What do you have to offer to your existing relationships?
What do you have to offer to the world at large?
Are you the kind of person who expects a lot out of your relationships but gives little? Maybe you’re the kind of person who expects little, but gives a lot. Perhaps you’re a bit of both, and you expect a lot and give a lot. Out of these possibilities, is there a clear best choice?
“Win-Win”
I would like to suggest that yes; there is a clear best choice in the above situation. If you are to lead successful relationships, it is important that you are the kind of person who expects a lot, and gives a lot. This is a “Win-Win” situation in which both parties benefit from interaction. “Win-Win” relationships are nourishing, energizing, and are powerful tools that can spark tremendous growth. In this type of relationship there is a mutual exchange of ideas, thoughts, energy, and support. Only people who have much to offer can experience a “Win-Win” relationship, because it is highly interdependent. Its basis is in mutual exchange.
If you’re currently the type of person who is coasting along in life, expecting stellar relationships without having much to offer, I’ve got news for you. You’ll never build high quality relationships! Why is this? It’s because strong attracts strong; like attracts like. You’ll never catch an eagle flying with pigeons (unless it’s going to eat them). The same applies to your relationships. If you’re the kind of person who is stagnant, emotionally immature, and draining, how will you ever attract people that are dynamic, emotionally mature, and energizing into your life? You won’t!
If you’ve managed to attract strong, well-developed people into your life, it’s either by luck, or because they have no choice but to be around you (parents, siblings). This isn’t a “Win-Win” situation. It’s a “Win-Lose” situation where the strong people in your life are losing, and you are “winning” because they have no other alternative. Don’t fool yourself into believing you’re actually contributing something to the relationship. It’s time to wake up and make some changes! It’s time to shift towards a “Win-Win” mindset.
Something for nothing
Too often I hear men say, “I want to find an awesome girl,” or I hear women say, “I want to find Mr. Perfect.” When I ask them how they define an “awesome” girl, or “Mr. Perfect,” they give the standard description of the perfectly well-rounded individual. You know the description I’m talking about: the guy that is amazing socially, physically, mentally, and financially, or the girl that is gorgeous, intelligent, independent, and outgoing. Then I ask the person if they are all of these things, and more often than not they reply “no, not really.” Notice the problem?
These people are looking to get something for nothing. If they don’t possess the qualities of their “perfect” guy or girl, how are they going to attract someone like that into their life? Start transforming yourself into the strong, attractive, financially independent individual you wish to attract, and I assure you it won’t be long before this person comes into your life.
How can you contribute?
You probably aren’t an extreme “Win-Lose” person, like the one described above. Regardless of where you currently stand, you can still grow and build up your arsenal of what you have to offer to others. There are many ways to do so, but I’ll warn you ahead of time that it’s going to require an investment of your time. If you’re willing to invest in yourself, you will see a noticeable increase in the quality of your relationships. Here are a few suggestions to get you started (specific suggestions in parenthesis):
- Take up exciting new activities (skydiving, martial arts, marathon running, white water rafting, scuba diving)
- Read personal development books centered around your problem areas (financial, spiritual, emotional, mental, physical)
- Get a gym membership, get a personal trainer, and get into shape
- Purchase David DeAngelo’s E-book and materials on “Women and Dating”
- Study the psychology of the mind, and learn how to handle your internal issues (Dr. Paul’s Mind OS)
- Learn new skills (meditation, yoga, creative writing, public speaking)
- Travel the world and experience new places and cultures
- Write a personal mission statement (specify your values and what’s most important to you in life)
- Define your life’s purpose (How to Discover your Life’s Purpose in 20 Minutes)
When you invest in yourself you will become a more interesting, well-rounded individual. You will have more experiences to share, more things to talk about, and more positive energy to offer others. You will become emotionally mature and will be more purposeful in your actions. You will be an individual who is growth-oriented, dynamic, and extremely fun to be around.
Aren’t these the kind of people you want to attract into your life? If so, you’ve got to be that kind of person first.
Give first, receive second
Don’t be that person who is looking to get something for nothing. The next time you find yourself unsatisfied with the relationships in your life, ask yourself, “What can I do to offer more?” Answer this question, and you will find the solution to your problem. The more you have to offer to others, the more you will receive from others.
Invest in yourself. Soon enough, similarly invested people will begin to flow into your life. Not to your surprise, you will find yourself in the position to build highly interdependent, energizing, supportive, and beneficial relationships with these people. You took the time to invest in yourself. You became the change you wanted to see in the world, as Gandhi once said. You decided to ask, “How can I give first?” and now you will receive. You deserve it.
Please leave a donation if you find this article helpful so you can enjoy the spirit of giving too.
So true. I see so many people doing this its ridiculous. I feel really sorry for the ones who absolutely have no value and are brainwashed with this stealing a friend mentality.
The most deceiving kind is the one who seems to offer value (ex gifts), but are really a drain on the relationship because they are emotionally needy. I guess you’d call these people the extremely insecure types who pretty much just waste your time.
Anyway, you mentioned some great resources there.
Carl,
I know plenty of those people you mentioned there. I stay as far away from them as I possibly can because it really is a draining experience. Thanks for the comment!
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