Women have got it made, if you ask me. All they have to do is sit back, look pretty, play hard to get, and reject guys who approach one by one.

Wait just a minute, “reject guys who approach one by one?” Which caveman rolled over and gave women the power to decide whether a man is acceptable or not? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying women should just accept every man who approaches them with open arms (there’s too many weirdoes for that). I am saying, however, that men should recognize we have the same power to accept or reject women, and we should start exercising this right starting NOW. Repeat after me, “I evaluate women to see if they meet my expectations, not the other way around.”

A Shift in Mindset

This is perhaps the most empowering mindset shift you can have if you want to increase your success with women. The belief, “I am evaluating HER to see if she is good enough for ME, not the other way around,” will change the way you act, reduce your fear of interacting with women, and will make you a more attractive individual.

As I stated in my article “Getting to know your inner-self”, our beliefs directly influence our actions. If you believe, “I have to impress this girl, and prove myself to her so she will like me,” your actions will be dictated by this belief, and your insecurity and neediness will shine through. If, instead, you believe, “I am evaluating this girl to see if she is good enough for me, she must prove herself to me,” your actions will be dictated by this belief, and your security and selectiveness will shine through. You can guess which mindset will lead to your increase in success with women.

All men, no matter how experienced, feel fear when approaching women. It is hard-wired into our nervous system, and it’s something which cannot be avoided. Men who approach and succeed are the men who act in spite of this fear. Now, if you have a needy mindset in which your success is tied to whether or not this specific girl chooses you, it will be hard to act in spite of fear. If, instead, you can reframe this mindset and realize that you too have the power to be selective with women, you will walk through the fear because no matter what, your success is independent of the situation.

Sometimes women remind me of big, bad Rottweilers, waiting to pounce on any unsuspecting man if he displays fear or insecurity. Women are extraordinarily good at picking up on these vibes. No, they aren’t psychic. When interacting with women, we men wear our fear and insecurity on our sleeve so everyone can see.

Before you decide to give up because we are dealing with seemingly psychic beings, understand we can use these circumstances to our advantage. If women are so used to sensing men’s fear and insecurity, how do you think they will react if you aren’t giving off those vibes? That’s right; you will automatically be sorted into the “one of a kind” column. This is exactly where you want to be, because the level of attraction she will be feeling for you at this point will be very high. After all, you are one of the few men she has ever met who isn’t intimidated by her good looks.

See what a simple shift of mindset can do for you?

Being Selective

The whole premise behind this mindset is selectivity. You are now becoming the selector, not the selected. I want you to close your eyes, and imagine a world in which you have the power to choose any woman you want to be with at any time. Yes, it’s a wonderful world to live in. The truth is this world doesn’t have to remain a fantasy; it can become your reality.

Part of our theory of selectivity relates to my article “Gain People’s Respect”. Once you have adopted our mindset of “I evaluate women to see if they meet my expectations, not the other way around,” you must choose to raise your standards. You must be particularly picky. Maintaining this mindset will increase your choice of women ten fold, so you can’t possibly have time to entertain all the women who are attracted to you. Just as physically attractive women have to reject men who don’t meet their expectations for the sake of time, you must begin to do the same. You should be able to look past the physical features of any woman, and be able to see her for who she really is. From here, you can filter out women who don’t suit your taste accordingly, and save yourself a lot of time.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a physically attractive girl (by luck, intoxication, or otherwise), you know the physical attraction doesn’t hold weight for long. Sure, you may have sex every day because you are so physically attracted to each other, but aside from this, there is no substance to the relationship (yes, there is a way to improve upon sex every day). Don’t settle for this type of relationship. There are plenty of women out there (3 billion to be exact). There is bound to be at least a few (a couple of million) whom you find physically attractive and are able to share a deeper connection with.

When interacting with a specific woman, maintaining our selective mindset of course, ask yourself a few questions. What makes her tick? How developed is her identity? How emotionally stable does she seem? Am I feeling chemistry? Does she meet my standards? What do I find attractive about her OTHER than her looks? By asking these questions, you are choosing to look past her physical appearance, and are evaluating her on a deeper level. We are aiming to improve the quality of our women, not the quantity of our women; and this is exactly how to ensure we accomplish this goal.

Take-away Points

Remember, it’s not only women who can be selective with men. You too can be selective with women. You’re an interesting guy, you’ve got a lot going for you, and you have high standards, so why are you letting yourself be the selected? You deserve better, you deserve to be the selector. Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Approach each woman with the mindset, “I evaluate women to see if they meet my expectations, not the other way around”
• Be especially picky when selecting which girl is right for you, otherwise you will be wasting time realizing your girls don’t meet your expectations (having only a physical relationship, nothing deeper)
• It is critical we choose to look past the physical appearance of a girl, and evaluate her based on who she is, not what she looks like (assuming she’s initially met our criteria in the looks area)
• Keep telling yourself you are an interesting, attractive man; give yourself permission to be selective
• Continue to develop your talents, and continue to learn new skills in order to make yourself a more interesting man
• More clearly define your standards so the quality of women in your life improve, not only the quantity of women in your life

As usual, it will take some time for this mindset to work for you (no such thing as a quick fix). Be patient. Usually if it’s not working for you at first, it’s because you don’t truly believe the belief. Constantly reinforce the new belief in your mind through repetition. I guarantee you will see results in due time. Soon enough, you will be living in a world in which you can choose any woman you want, at any time. Your fantasy will now become your reality.

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You’re in what most men like to call a tough spot.

You’re at the bar. Your drink is on the way. You look to your left and there she is. The girl of your dreams.

Suddenly, the familiar feeling of anxiety sets in. You hesitate for 3 seconds too long, and before you know it, she’s gone.

You think to yourself, “WHY AM I SUCH A <expletive>?!?”

Don’t be so hard on yourself! This is a common situation for close to 98% of the men on this planet (an arbitrary estimate, but realistic in my opinion). Before you get depressed and believe there’s no hope left for mankind, there is some comfort to be had by looking a bit deeper into this statistic.

98% of men feel the same anxiety as you do, and lock up the same way you do when they see a woman they’re attracted to. 98% of men don’t know how to spark attraction properly in such situations. 98% of men could be doing better in their selection of women, and could be with more intelligent, more interesting, more beautiful women if they knew how to spark attraction properly. Certainly, you are not alone.

Don’t kick yourself when you make a mistake. Your fellow men are making the same mistakes as you are in the same situations.

Dealing With the Situation

Let’s go back to our “tough spot” and try something slightly different.

You’re at the bar. Your drink is on the way. You look to your left and there she is. The girl of your dreams. Suddenly, the familiar feeling of anxiety sets in, but this time you open your mouth and say “hi” loud enough so that she can hear. You strike up a conversation; she’s laughing, leaning into you, and having a great time. The next thing you know you’re walking out of the bar with her number, or if you’ve really got it together, walking out of the bar with her, hand in hand.

How do you upgrade from outcome #1 to outcome #2? Not through manipulation. Not by using pick up lines or sweet talking her until her ears fall off. None of that.

You reach outcome #2 by being a gentleman.

Develop the following skills, and you’ll become just that.

The Power of Body Language

Body language is by far the most powerful component of attraction, and the most telling aspect about a human being. Used properly, you can say almost anything (insert most ridiculous pick-up line here) and still succeed in attracting 95% of the women you meet. Used improperly, a woman can instantly tell what you’re saying doesn’t fit with who you really are, and will understand you are trying to manipulate her into liking you.

Body language telegraphs to women the true meaning behind your words. If you walk up to a woman while looking at the ground and say “hi”, she’ll understand you are too insecure to make eye contact with her. On the other hand, if you walk up to a woman slowly and confidently while holding eye contact and say “hi”, she’ll understand you are not intimidated by her looks and are comfortable in your own skin. This is extremely attractive.

When I was first introduced to the concept of body language, I was amazed at how many things I was doing wrong. Some of the most noticeable mistakes I made were my not holding eye contact confidently (I had to consciously fight the urge to look away), sitting with closed body language (my limbs were scrunched together, rather than spread out  and open), and talking WAY too fast (communicating I was nervous right off the bat).

The great thing about body language is it’s easy to change with an investment of time and effort. Pay close attention to what you are doing with your body while interacting with women. Are you communicating nervousness and insecurity, or are you demonstrating composure and comfort in the situation? By maintaining a constant awareness, you will begin to notice a gradual positive shift in your tendencies.

The Power of Sexual Communication

Sexual communication permeates all levels of physical interaction. It’s a completely different language being spoken at all times. If you don’t understand the language, tough luck. When it’s directed your way, you’ll have no clue about what’s actually going on. If you understand the language, however, you can hear it being spoken around you all the time.

Make it a point to learn this language.

Women understand sexual communication much better than men. The few guys who do know how to speak the language can say just about anything, and women will understand the sexual message lying subtly beneath the message’s surface. The language is spoken through a combination of the skillful use of body language and tone of voice. Slow body movement, holding eye contact a little bit longer than usual, and small nuances in tone of voice signal sexual communication’s presence.

Try to spot sexual communication going on around you. Watch a woman’s body language from a distance while she interacts with the man she’s with. If she’s doing lots of playful touching (slapping on the shoulder, nudging and giggling, playing with a guy’s hands, etc.) you can bet sexual communication is the reason why.

The better you get at spotting it, the better you’ll be able to understand it when you’re interacting with a woman. Understanding sexual communication is what separates the men who are extraordinary with women from the men who are good with women. And you don’t want to be just “good”, you want to be extraordinary!

Prior to my education on sexual communication, I had no idea the language was being spoken around me at all times.  Once I learned the language through keen observation and constant practice, there was a night and day difference in my interaction with women. Girls wanted to “hang out and watch a movie” more often (a movie, righhht), and I began to get a lot more playful you’re mean, and by mean I mean sexy slaps on the arm.

Investing the time required to learn this “language” really pays off.

The Power of Banter

It’s light. It’s humorous.  It’s fun. It’s exactly what you need when striking up a conversation with a woman you’ve just met. Banter is casual conversation with a flirty spin. It makes a woman laugh, it communicates you are comfortable in your own skin, and it instantly sparks attraction in a woman.

Most guys ruin their chances with a woman before they’ve even opened their mouth. They say all the wrong things with their body language when approaching (they slouch, look away, fiddle with their hands). For the following example, let’s assume we’re talking about an above average guy who does all of the right things with his body language.

When our guy approaches a woman at, lets say the grocery store, he opens the conversation with something natural. He may ask a question about where an item is located, or make a comment about something she’s looking at. By using the power of banter, a flirty and fun conversation will ensue, and this will lead to a more in-depth conversation or a phone number.

The key phrase here is “something natural”.

Our guy doesn’t want to make the girl feel like he’s hitting on her, and he knows he shouldn’t be hitting on her anyways until she expresses some sort of interest first (we will discuss this later on). He’s just trying to start a casual conversation. By being comfortable in his own skin, our guy ensures the conversation will be an enjoyable one at the very least, or a flirtatious one at best.

An Example of Banter

While in the cafeteria line at a summer job, there was a beautiful girl in line right in front of me. I wanted to strike up a conversation with her to see what she was like (I tend to like girls that have something between their ears), so I waited for a natural opportunity to interject.

After she asked the server for a rather disgusting looking plate of green beans, I butted in with a, “Well, doesn’t that look appetizing?” She looked at me with a smile and asked, “Is that sarcasm, or are you being serious?”

This was my chance to pick on her some more.

“No, I’m being dead serious,” I replied, with a serious face. She stared at me for a few seconds, and right before she could say something else I cracked a smile, laughed and said, “Don’t be so serious. Lighten up.” Needless to say, we had lunch together and I got her number.

If you are ever in a situation where you have the opportunity to meet a woman who strikes your interest, think about the key phrase discussed earlier, “something natural”. There’s no pressure. Focus on having an enjoyable conversation with a stranger.

Things to Work On

The first step in being able to spark attraction is to understand the importance of the concepts described above.

Be aware of your behavior when interacting with women. Pay attention to your body language and tone of voice. Are you communicating the same message with your body, tone of voice, and words? Simply being more aware of your behavior will lead to improvement in these areas.

Slow down your movement, slow down your speech… slow down EVERYTHING! Practice turning your head slowly in the mirror. Practice walking slowly whenever you are out. Women interpret fast movements and fast speech as insecurity, and insecurity is the mortal enemy of attraction.

Sit with open body language. Don’t sit with your limbs scrunched up and close together. Instead, sit with “wide” body language. Spread your legs out, spread your arms out, sit up straight and tilt your head slightly back. “Wide” body language widens your presence and communicates power. It can make a small guy seem bigger and more powerful than his frame suggests.

Work on deepening your voice. This is not as easy as controlling your body language, but there are plenty of vocal exercises out there to get the job done. Google it. The only thing more unattractive to women than dirty finger nails and body odor is a guy with a Mike Tyson-like voice. If you’re voice isn’t as deep as you’d like it to be, work on it!

Watch the body language of couples around you. Is the man leaning in and looking desperate while the woman is leaning back, uninterested? Or is the girl leaning in, interested, while the guy is leaning back, secure and comfortable in his own skin? Sharpen your eye for these telltale signs, and you will become better at communicating the right things with your body language.

Go out and conquer your fear of talking to strangers by talking to a set number (5, 10, 15, 20) of new people every day. It can be as simple as asking for the time, or for directions. It doesn’t matter. Once you’ve mastered talking to five strangers, increase it to ten. Keep increasing this number until you feel you are comfortable in these types of situations.

Groom yourself. Cut your fingernails and toenails. Shave regularly. When you bathe, wash yourself 3 times to make sure you get off all of the dirt and odor (it doesn’t come off with just one rinse, sorry guys). Always have a clean haircut; something that suits your facial structure. Gain a sense of style, and figure out what works best for you. Ask a lady friend to help you dress fashionably if you don’t know how to already. Women notice the small things. They spend hours getting ready to look good for you; the least you can do is groom yourself properly and look your best for them too.

That’s enough to work on for now. Keep at it, and you will soon be reaping the benefits of the changes you’ve made. I’m excited for you!

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You know, it’s funny.

Whenever I go out, no matter where I go, I see the most peculiar thing. I see men buying women drinks. I see men buying women expensive jewelry and gifts. I see men leaning in towards women and forcing laughs at horrendous jokes. I see men doing everything they don’t want to do in order to get a girl to like them.

WHY?

Why do we men do these things? Do we honestly believe the girl in question will, at the bottom of her heart, be attracted to us for performing such tedious acts against our will? I mean, you can’t honestly want to spend all of your money on a girl who’s going to move on to the next guy as soon as you’ve run out of money. Or maybe you’re just a nice guy… or better yet, you’ve convinced yourself you’re a nice guy.

The Problem With Being Too Nice

Ay, there’s the rub. Too many guys are WAY too “nice” to women, and in the process sacrifice everything they stand for while also emptying out their wallets. Women are smart, and they have learned to take advantage of man’s naivety. Most women will accept your gifts, drinks, and attention with a smile, and will still be smiling when they leave you for the next guy they come across with a fatter wallet than yours.

Don’t get me wrong ladies, I’m not mad at you for taking advantage of men, in fact, I don’t blame you at all. If I was an attractive woman, I’d be doing the same thing on a daily basis. My lunches would be paid for, I would never have to drive anywhere; heck, I wouldn’t even have to walk anywhere.

If we can’t blame women, then who’s to blame? I blame men and society. Men are so naive to think that money can buy a girl’s attraction and affection. You’re not buying her attraction; instead she’s getting what SHE expects, a good time and a lot of attention. I’m blaming society for programming boys how to be good husbands from a young age; not how to be dominant, attractive males.

Right now, look into your past and think of how much time and money you have wasted on girls that didn’t stick around. Think about the pain you experienced when she left.

It’s just not worth it.

How can you free yourself from this vicious cycle? Step 1 – stop wasting your time and money. Step 2 – stop being too “nice”. Step 3 – learn how to spark gut-level attraction in women instantly.

The Importance of Attraction

Ah, attraction; one of the two essential components in gaining a woman’s affection (connection is the second).

Without it, you’re just friends. Without it, she will leave you for the more exciting, sexier bad boy with the motorcycle.

I’m not talking about physical attraction here. Too many men believe that only good looking guys get all the girls. WRONG! Ever seen an exceptionally ugly guy holding hands with an extremely beautiful girl? Point made. Fortunately, attraction in women is mostly cognitive and slightly visual (the reverse applies to men). This means gut-level attraction is sparked by a number of things other than physical appearance (so we ugly guys have a fighting chance, after all!)

I’m talking about the kind of attraction that “sweeps” a girl off her feet. Attraction that causes a throbbing desire within a woman; similar to the desire men feel when we see an extremely attractive woman. Close your eyes and imagine the most beautiful woman in your world begging you to come to bed. Yeah, that’s the kind of attraction I’m talking about!

Attraction can accomplish all of this and more if triggered properly. “Sign me up now, teach me,” you say. Okay, you’re signed up. First, let’s break men up into three different archetypes. Figure out where you fit in.

The “Nice Guy”

Unfortunately for the “nice guy”, nice guys almost always come last (except for in those cheesy movies). When I say nice guy, I mean the kind of guy that you can walk all over; the kind of guy who has no regard for his own personal boundary (see ‘Gain Respect in Relationships’).

Nice guys do not attract women. Instead, they make a lot of lady friends. These are the guys that advise their lady friends on their relationship with their jerk boyfriend. Nice guys think this is the right thing to do. All the while they think to themselves, “Can’t she see I’m right here in front of her? I’m all she needs!”

Finally, out of righteous indignation and impatience with the situation, the nice guy professes his undying love to his lady friend, and she does the opposite of what he imagined her doing in his dreams. She runs away from him as far and as fast as she can. The nice guy is left hurt, angry, and thinking, “Stupid women! They never appreciate what I do for them!”

If these last few sentences describe you, have no fear! We will discuss better alternatives, and in following articles we will arm you with knowledge to mold yourself into the man you were born to be.

Jerks

So, if being a nice guy is out of the question, then what’s in the question? If the first thing that comes to mind is “jerk”, you’re wrong. Jerks may get more women than nice guys, but when it comes down to it, they’re still missing out on 99% of the beautiful, strong, women in this world.

The wild, care-free, adventurous nature of jerks (bad boys, if you will) is attractive to women. The kind of man every mother fears her daughter will end up with, the bad boy degrades and abuses the women he has relationships with. He comes and goes when he pleases, and has no regard or respect for the girls he is with. He’s always living life on the edge. And this is exactly why he is attractive.

Think about it. If a woman settles for a nice guy, she won’t feel any attraction for him. The nice guy will cater to her every need, and in turn will be boring and unoriginal like the other 98% of men on this planet. So, the girl can either choose the boring, unattractive nice guy; or she can choose the exciting, wildly attractive bad boy. This is the reason why so many women are unfaithful in relationships. They settle down with a “nice guy” who can provide for them, while having sex with the “bad boy” they are attracted to. This way, they have both a lover (bad boy), and a provider (nice guy).

While we shouldn’t settle into jerk mode just yet, there are certainly many things we can learn from the jerk. Women are attracted to a man in CONTROL. Women are attracted to a man who does things on his terms. A man who doesn’t constantly shower them with compliments. An exciting man who lives on the EDGE. It’s different… it’s sexy… it’s ATTRACTIVE.

Sadly, most women will settle down with a nice guy, a jerk, or with someone somewhere in between. Most women will never be fortunate enough to run into a GENTLEMAN. And this is precisely where you come in!

Gentlemen

Finally, the gentleman! The highest form of man a male can be. By far the most attractive of the three male archetypes. Bad boys don’t stand a chance against this well-groomed, chivalrous, purposeful, dominant, and powerful man. Think James Bond. Think Thomas Crown. Now, add some depth to those characters, and voila! You have your gentleman.

The gentleman shares many traits with the bad boy. The difference is he has developed these traits to a much higher level. He has a tremendous amount of security and confidence; he is comfortable in his own skin. He has extremely high standards, especially when it comes to women. He always maintains his composure; he is never rattled by the tests women throw at him.

He does things on his terms; no woman, or person for that matter, can manipulate him into doing otherwise. All the while, he is chivalrous and knows what he wants isn’t necessarily what his woman wants. He opens the door for women. He walks on the outside of the curb. He pulls out her chair at the dinner table. This is the kind of man women believe exists only in their romance novels. When a girl meets one, he is probably one of the very few she has ever met in her entire life.

Beginning to see why the gentleman is so attractive?

Things to Work On

So, you want to be a gentleman, huh? Let me be the first to tell you, it won’t happen overnight. It will take hard work, time, and discipline (hear this often, don’t you?). You may have to step outside of your comfort zone to reach this level. Don’t sweat it! You’ll make it, and the rewards will be well worth your time invested.

To start with, make a pact with yourself that you will stop doing the following things FOR GOOD as of right now:

• Giving women undeserved compliments to get their approval (it actually works against you, and you sound like every other guy on the planet)
• Buying women drinks, gifts, ANYTHING, to get their approval (she’s using you, remember?)
• Tolerating second class behavior from women just because they are physically attractive (would you let your buddy treat you like this? If the answer is no, then why are you letting HER treat you like this?)
• Giving up what you want so you can do what she wants (if you want to go to the game with your buddies, why are you going to ditch them to go to a party she is at?)
• Placing excessive value on looks (don’t get me wrong, the girl has to be attractive, but once she opens her mouth there better be something between those ears)
• Thinking this girl is the last one on the planet (you’re WRONG, there’s 3 BILLION other women on this planet)
• Thinking “she’s special” (not until she proves it, buddy)

Stop doing the above and you will develop a solid foundation for the gentleman you strive to become. Continuously raise your standards. Build new skills to become a more interesting person. Strengthen your personal boundary. More clearly define your identity each day. Evict your fears by confronting them head on with courage. Define a life purpose; what do you live for? Taking these actions will develop you into a noticeably more attractive individual.

Remember, a gentleman is not necessarily a gentle man. Instead, he is a strong, well developed, intriguing man who naturally attracts the opposite sex through his well developed character and charisma.

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