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Women have got it made, if you ask me. All they have to do is sit back, look pretty, play hard to get, and reject guys who approach one by one.

Wait just a minute, “reject guys who approach one by one?” Which caveman rolled over and gave women the power to decide whether a man is acceptable or not? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying women should just accept every man who approaches them with open arms (there’s too many weirdoes for that). I am saying, however, that men should recognize we have the same power to accept or reject women, and we should start exercising this right starting NOW. Repeat after me, “I evaluate women to see if they meet my expectations, not the other way around.”

A Shift in Mindset

This is perhaps the most empowering mindset shift you can have if you want to increase your success with women. The belief, “I am evaluating HER to see if she is good enough for ME, not the other way around,” will change the way you act, reduce your fear of interacting with women, and will make you a more attractive individual.

As I stated in my article “Getting to know your inner-self”, our beliefs directly influence our actions. If you believe, “I have to impress this girl, and prove myself to her so she will like me,” your actions will be dictated by this belief, and your insecurity and neediness will shine through. If, instead, you believe, “I am evaluating this girl to see if she is good enough for me, she must prove herself to me,” your actions will be dictated by this belief, and your security and selectiveness will shine through. You can guess which mindset will lead to your increase in success with women.

All men, no matter how experienced, feel fear when approaching women. It is hard-wired into our nervous system, and it’s something which cannot be avoided. Men who approach and succeed are the men who act in spite of this fear. Now, if you have a needy mindset in which your success is tied to whether or not this specific girl chooses you, it will be hard to act in spite of fear. If, instead, you can reframe this mindset and realize that you too have the power to be selective with women, you will walk through the fear because no matter what, your success is independent of the situation.

Sometimes women remind me of big, bad Rottweilers, waiting to pounce on any unsuspecting man if he displays fear or insecurity. Women are extraordinarily good at picking up on these vibes. No, they aren’t psychic. When interacting with women, we men wear our fear and insecurity on our sleeve so everyone can see.

Before you decide to give up because we are dealing with seemingly psychic beings, understand we can use these circumstances to our advantage. If women are so used to sensing men’s fear and insecurity, how do you think they will react if you aren’t giving off those vibes? That’s right; you will automatically be sorted into the “one of a kind” column. This is exactly where you want to be, because the level of attraction she will be feeling for you at this point will be very high. After all, you are one of the few men she has ever met who isn’t intimidated by her good looks.

See what a simple shift of mindset can do for you?

Being Selective

The whole premise behind this mindset is selectivity. You are now becoming the selector, not the selected. I want you to close your eyes, and imagine a world in which you have the power to choose any woman you want to be with at any time. Yes, it’s a wonderful world to live in. The truth is this world doesn’t have to remain a fantasy; it can become your reality.

Part of our theory of selectivity relates to my article “Gain People’s Respect”. Once you have adopted our mindset of “I evaluate women to see if they meet my expectations, not the other way around,” you must choose to raise your standards. You must be particularly picky. Maintaining this mindset will increase your choice of women ten fold, so you can’t possibly have time to entertain all the women who are attracted to you. Just as physically attractive women have to reject men who don’t meet their expectations for the sake of time, you must begin to do the same. You should be able to look past the physical features of any woman, and be able to see her for who she really is. From here, you can filter out women who don’t suit your taste accordingly, and save yourself a lot of time.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a physically attractive girl (by luck, intoxication, or otherwise), you know the physical attraction doesn’t hold weight for long. Sure, you may have sex every day because you are so physically attracted to each other, but aside from this, there is no substance to the relationship (yes, there is a way to improve upon sex every day). Don’t settle for this type of relationship. There are plenty of women out there (3 billion to be exact). There is bound to be at least a few (a couple of million) whom you find physically attractive and are able to share a deeper connection with.

When interacting with a specific woman, maintaining our selective mindset of course, ask yourself a few questions. What makes her tick? How developed is her identity? How emotionally stable does she seem? Am I feeling chemistry? Does she meet my standards? What do I find attractive about her OTHER than her looks? By asking these questions, you are choosing to look past her physical appearance, and are evaluating her on a deeper level. We are aiming to improve the quality of our women, not the quantity of our women; and this is exactly how to ensure we accomplish this goal.

Take-away Points

Remember, it’s not only women who can be selective with men. You too can be selective with women. You’re an interesting guy, you’ve got a lot going for you, and you have high standards, so why are you letting yourself be the selected? You deserve better, you deserve to be the selector. Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Approach each woman with the mindset, “I evaluate women to see if they meet my expectations, not the other way around”
• Be especially picky when selecting which girl is right for you, otherwise you will be wasting time realizing your girls don’t meet your expectations (having only a physical relationship, nothing deeper)
• It is critical we choose to look past the physical appearance of a girl, and evaluate her based on who she is, not what she looks like (assuming she’s initially met our criteria in the looks area)
• Keep telling yourself you are an interesting, attractive man; give yourself permission to be selective
• Continue to develop your talents, and continue to learn new skills in order to make yourself a more interesting man
• More clearly define your standards so the quality of women in your life improve, not only the quantity of women in your life

As usual, it will take some time for this mindset to work for you (no such thing as a quick fix). Be patient. Usually if it’s not working for you at first, it’s because you don’t truly believe the belief. Constantly reinforce the new belief in your mind through repetition. I guarantee you will see results in due time. Soon enough, you will be living in a world in which you can choose any woman you want, at any time. Your fantasy will now become your reality.

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Do you know yourself? I mean, do you REALLY know yourself?

Do you know your greatest talents? Your life’s purpose? Your passions? Your deepest beliefs?

It’s easy to get caught up in the rhythm of life and forget to seek the answers to these important questions. When I hear the excuse, “I’m too busy to think about those things right now,” I think to myself, “If you figure out the answers to these questions, maybe you’ll be busy completing tasks that truly matter in the grand scheme of things!”

Rather than choosing to ignore the questions listed above, why not seek out the answers to them consciously? Most people say, “I’ll just take life as it comes and let those answers come to me.” I also take life as it comes, however, ever since answering these questions, my life has more direction, purpose, and passion than ever before.

Is this something you might be interested in?

Identify Your Talents

Each one of us has our own unique set of talents. If developed consciously, these talents can become our greatest strengths and propel us to new levels of success in life. However, the most common mistake we human beings make is focusing on the development of our weaknesses, rather than on the development of our talents.

Why not become more of who you already are instead of more of who you aren’t? Recognize that each person has their own set of strengths and weaknesses. You can always compensate for your shortcomings by surrounding yourself with people whose strengths are your weaknesses.

When I say “talents”, I mean abilities that come naturally to you, i.e., special skills you were born with. It takes conscious action to develop these talents into strengths. Think of Tiger Woods. He wasn’t born with the ability to play golf as well as he does today. Since the age of 2, Tiger has been developing his natural gifts of eye-hand coordination and intuition into strengths he now uses to win unreal amounts of PGA tournaments.

He practices 14 hours a day, tirelessly hitting the same shots over and over again until he is satisfied with his level of performance. Tiger has developed his talents into powerful strengths. As a result, he is arguably the greatest golf player ever to have played the game.

Now ask yourself, “What am I capable of if I develop my talents into strengths?”

Let me give you a hint… more than you ever thought you were capable of!

The first step you must take is to identify your talents. A great resource to help you with this is the book Strengthsfinder 2.0, by Tom Rath. It’s a great little book that lays out the details of 34 different talents, and advises you on how to develop them into strengths. Also, it comes with a unique key-code that can be used here. A this website, you will take a test that will help you identify your “Top 5 Talents”. After you complete the test, a report will be generated of the findings, and your Top 5 Talents will described in detail. Here are my top 5 talents:

• Relator
• Harmony
• Competition
• Input
• Intellection

To exhibit what I mean by “develop your talents into strengths,” here are a few examples that apply to me specifically.

This website is a tool designed to help me develop my input and relator talents into strengths. By sharing  the knowledge I have acquired through my life experiences with you through these articles, I am deliberately honing these talents into strengths.

In order to develop my intellection talent, I have increased the time I give myself to be alone. I use this time to reflect and get in touch with my inner-self. This process is highly beneficial and energizing for me. The extra alone time has given me new clarity of perspective towards my true nature. I can only imagine the power of this strength when it’s fully developed.

Discover Your Purpose

Think of purpose as the bigger picture of your life. All of your beliefs, values, actions, and thoughts should fit underneath this purpose. Without a purpose, life has no direction. Without a purpose, it is impossible to recognize your true potential. Without a purpose you can’t experience the feeling of waking up each morning full of joy, excitement, and readiness to start your day.

Most humans choose to take life as it comes, and make the mistake of answering the question “What is my purpose?” as they go. Others choose an even worse option, and ignore the question entirely. This terrible choice will most definitely lead to a sub-optimal life. You may still earn a billion dollars over the course of your lifetime, but this doesn’t mean you’ve recognized your true potential. Perhaps you were destined to change the world in some profound way instead. True potential can never be recognized other than through the fulfillment of purpose. Moral of the story: don’t let yourself choose the mentality of “ignorance is bliss”. Choose to discover your purpose right away!

Every individual has a purpose that goes hand-in-hand with his/her interpretation of his/her reality. If this is the case, it means that you too have a purpose! Why lead your life for 50 years, only to realize you have been leading a life out of line with your purpose all along? If you are ready, you can discover your purpose now and spare yourself 50 years of directionless life (maybe even more!)

All it will take is a little bit of time and patience. Steve Pavlina, self-development guru, has posted an article on how to discover your life’s purpose in 20 minutes. Keep in mind this time requirement may not apply to everyone. The time requirement for each person varies, as we are all stubborn and rooted in our beliefs to various extents. The post can be found here.

Realize Your Passions

A life without passion is a dull one. This is a “duh, Rahul” statement, I know. However, it surprises me how many people commit their lives to work they are not passionate about. Each morning they wake up dreading the day ahead of them. Why lead this life?

The answer is simple; we choose to give away the freedom and enjoyment of life to earn money and provide for ourselves and our families. I don’t blame people for the desire to provide for themselves and their family. We must fulfill our survival needs. However, we don’t have to lead boring, tedious lives to do so. Once you’ve defined your purpose, you must devise a way to earn income in line with this purpose. This can be accomplished through living your passions.

As described in my post “Choose Conscious Growth”, it is important to follow up on any passion “leads” you may have. It doesn’t matter how dumb or unproductive they may seem, follow up on them anyway. If you’ve been interested in palm reading or dreaming for a while, go find a book on the subjects in the library. If you’ve always wanted to learn golf; take the first step today and book a lesson with an instructor. The most important thing is to take action now. You never know, you may discover your life passion along the way!

Empower Your Beliefs

Empowering your beliefs is like it sounds, powerful! The more empowering your beliefs are, the more successful you will be able at handling the challenges life throws your way.

To illustrate the effect beliefs have on your life, let’s examine the example, “If you believe you aren’t capable of being great, then you never will be.”

The reason this statement is true is because our beliefs cause us to act a certain way. If you believe you aren’t capable of being great, you will lead a life of mediocrity and will shy away from the opportunities and challenges life presents you with. If, however, you believe you can and will be great, you will confront these same opportunities and challenges with a resolute, positive attitude, and will soar with success. Beliefs make all the difference.

To empower our beliefs, we must first identify our current beliefs, and then root out the ones which are hindering our success. This is not an easy task, for many of our beliefs are deeply rooted in who we are. This makes for a tough situation, because we then have to evaluate ourselves from an outside perspective to view our true beliefs. However, just like shoes make footprints in the snow, our actions are the footprints of our beliefs. If we follow these “footprints” back to their origin, we should be able to identify our true beliefs.

When looking at your actions you will realize, sure enough, there is a trail which you can trace back to the belief which caused the specific action. For example, I believe people I interact with should conduct themselves with first class behavior. My actions are in line with this, and when someone violates my belief, I walk away. Now, if I reverse this process and choose to look at my action first, I will see that I walked away from a person when they treated me with second class behavior. This action can then be traced back to the belief of “people should conduct themselves with first class behavior.” This process will take some work and some mental focus, but soon enough you will discover the beliefs hiding behind your actions.

Once you’ve discovered the specific beliefs which are hindering your success (caused by fear, negative experiences, and social programming) you will have the power to replace them with more empowering beliefs. Contrary to what you may think, we will not try and erase the beliefs from our minds. This will be counter-productive and won’t work anyway. When was the last time you were voluntarily able to completely erase something from your mind?

Instead, we are going to use the power of the mind to replace the limiting belief. We will direct our thoughts to the new belief we would like to adopt, and will continue to do so until it has replaced our previously limiting belief. For example, if your actions point out that you have no self-esteem or self-confidence, you can repeat in your mind over and over again the saying “I like myself”. Yes, I know it sounds stupid. But you’ll find, just as I did, these exercises have a dramatic effect on your mind. One last point: It is important to think these thoughts with consistency. Thinking this way for 5 minutes a day will not accomplish anything, because for the rest of the day we will be thinking like we used to be!

For more information on the power of thought, I recommend the books Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill, and The Science of Success by James Ray. Both are in-depth guides on how to utilize the power of your mind to achieve success.

Tying it All Together

It is critical to recognize the answers to these questions will help build your self awareness. Self awareness is the most essential component of success. Without knowing our purpose, strengths, passions, and beliefs, we will severely under-perform in our life endeavors.

Once you know the answers to our self-awareness questions, you will feel the synergistic effect of the whole being greater than the parts. If you know your purpose, you will be able to find the passions which fit underneath it much more easily. If you understand your talents and hone them into your greatest assets, you will accomplish much more with much less effort. If you are able to empower your beliefs, you will be able to succeed beyond measure because you will have the right mindset to back all of your efforts.

Be patient, and allow yourself some time to find the answers to these questions. Simply raising your consciousness towards the questions will bring you the answers you are expecting much more quickly. When you discover your own unique answers, you will feel invigorated with new purpose and reason in life.

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